Wait for me
Lost in a stormy river while looking for the bank
As an individual who actually hates changes, seeing the next day is very hard. You know that when the days change, your world also changes. You have no power to control it. This might make me look like a control freak, but I believe I am not (hopefully not). It is just that some things are hard to accept, and change is the biggest one. Even though I seek new days, better tomorrows, and good new years, accepting them as they present themselves isn't as easy as wishing them. I always wished to select the aspects I wanted to alter and pave their own way, leaving the things I liked as they were. You know, like a simple game in which you choose the clothes for your dolls or a remote control in which you select the parts you want to keep and change the ones you've grown tired of, simple and preferable changes.
But life isn't as generous as my mind. It never gave me the chance to even prepare myself for it, let alone pick it. I couldn't even smile the same way I did the day before; can you imagine how exhausting that is?constantly in motion, continuously in movement, and sometimes I don't even know the direction. Am I moving backward or forward? or am I just circling around? Trying to understand the road by itself happens to be very exhausting. Why isn't life so simple? You live and you die, as easy as that. Why does living have to be synonymous with constant change?And you know what the funny part is? My life is the most static and the least "rivery" one. Yet sometimes I can't even breathe properly since I couldn't catch up as I was supposed to.
I try not to be emotional when drastic changes happen, but how can I smile when the people I laughed and cried with yesterday turn out to be strangers today? How can I accept the fact that the people I found so cool weren't actually as cool as I thought they were? How can I come to terms with the fact that the things I used to despise are now going to be a big part of my life?How can I accept the fact that the person I adored would no longer come into my life?How? How is everyone walking as normal as ever while carrying all these? Is this the new normal, or was it always like this? Are we all accepting the pace of our own world revolution?
I honestly think we all deserve a moment of silence once in a while to understand, absorb, and accept all these fast-paced movements and tiresome changes. Well, at least I know I need that. As much as I enjoy watching the sun rise, I want to take a deep breath before the rays reach my face, just to enjoy the yellowish scenery before I feel it on my skin. Dear world, can you please wait for me? Can you please let me breath for a while? Please?!