This is a very short story about time, hope and healing.
"Have you ever wondered to find some answers, solve some riddles yet couldn't really change anything? Many said talking would help, venting could really remove some clouds. A book mentioned about being free of our own personal story and getting ready to explore, see, add new experience. But what if it is something so heavy and painful, that every time you found some words to say it, it would stab you back with every single word said? What if it creates a wound getting slightly deeper each time a voice of you comes out? I am scared of my own voice." said Lilly staring at the white wall. Her eyes were saying it all, no words were needed.
Well, I could say lots of 'get up, it will pass, morning is near.....' talks but now I couldn't find it appropriate. After I made listening to people's problem my money earning job, such kind of silences happen once in a while. Amazingly many of us have the same problems in facade of different scenarios and reactions. But all of us at some point thought our problems are different in some peculiar way. Well you might disagree on this but for sure you will agree on the source of problem. We, being a fragile creature, want to be loved, respected, appreciated, feel valued and so on. I can assure you that nothing actually skip from these, years of experience.
Yet there are some people like Lilly who makes me speechless. What do I say to some one who is really in a deep pain and not ready to suck it all up and jump high again? Don't say it is my job to make that happen cause honestly I am here to facilitate the way, not to create a miracle of healing someone else's wound. At this point all I could do was wait her until she gets used to her own voices.
" Don't you think time will heal every misery Lilly?" I don't agree with that saying but wanted to listen her opinion.
Lilly smiled, " Time never do such things. As time goes by you will learn how to live with some things more peacefully. Either you will learn to hide them well or ignore them as if it isn't part of your story." she looked at my eyes attentively, " I thought time would do me good, you know change me for the better. But..... when ever I opened my mouth to say things out loud the pain is still there, even after many years. And at most it even gets worse. Now I am all grown up, I could see the truth more clearly and keep asking why."
Time was tickling as always, as forever. This summation of seconds, hours, even years could bring so many different stories, one could never know unless he stays alive. " our time is up Lilly, I will see you next Thursday right?"
" sure, next Thursday. I will be here to listen to my scary little noises."
" Who knows Lilly, maybe someday you would be able to turn them into beautiful songs. Have a good day."
Someday....... hope is like staring at black room and waiting for slight spectrum of light reaching it, or may be finding your way out of a room full of monsters. Either ways I will see what next Thursday would bring.