From the Journals of a drunk

Date: unknown

Time: if I had to guess past 2 a.m 

PS: I PROBABLY WILL NOT REMEMBER WRITING THIS.(Vision is blurry but Thoughts are crystal clear)

The second hardest thing to do on this world according to me is maintaining your sobriety the first, being alive of course. My alcohol tolerance level is really something worth bragging about but my tolerance of bullshit is in on the negative scale and these days it keeps sinking lower and lower. So in my defense I drink not only because it feels good and I have plenty of self hatred and I am rushing to an early grave but also because I can not stand people. The only thing that is keeping me from stabbing someone in the eye with a pen or pushing my co workers down the stairs it is getting drunk or the thought of it. I can be a mean drunk but I won't blame the alcohol like some coward alcoholic. Drunk man's words; sober man's thoughts. Those are the facts and if I ever was mean to you when I was drunk I was just having a truth vomit and I won't even deny meaning every word I said at that time. Do you think I have low self esteem and I am a coward? I am sure you think there are other ways of dealing with my problems "other healthy ways" so to speak the only problem I have is with you humans. I also am a human which is why I have major problems with myself. when did my existence get problematic? ever since I came on to this Earth. My birth was a cruel irony plotted by the dark gods. Those fuckers love their comic books. That is what my life feels like at the moment a cruel ironic cosmic joke. Damn I shall definitely drink to that. cheers to me. some people drink to kill what ever demons inside of them; some people drink to forget and some people drink because they can. But I bet on my unworthy life everyone is hiding behind some sad sob story to get pity not to be hated and joked on as an alcoholic but deep down they just love losing control and getting shit faced so if you think about it who is the coward here? How pathetic! Anyways who needs people when you have a liquor who aged hundred smt years old. The effects of Alcohol last longer than any of your so called relationships these days. I hope I die with a glass of alcohol in my hand after I smoked my last cigar on a designated island away from everyone; but with the presence of mother nature embracing who I am. There I shall lay as I look up to the sky; as the lights go out and I close my eyes. As the taste of my sunset rum dances on the tip of my tongue. And I will have a smile on my face knowing the fact that even in my last minute my last words were nothing but a glass to my lips savoring my final drink. There, I finally lay on the ground and decay with such peace and grace I never had when I was alive.