A day after all years

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Such an odd place to be, You never wanted to go there but now you don't want to leave.

At some point in life, there are some doors you don't want to open at all. Yet you couldn't keep yourself from wondering. 'What happened back then?' 'Why wasn't I valuable enough?' 'What was actually in their mind back then?' And you know it wasn't and isn't actually about them, but it was and still is about you. Your audacity make you laugh. You thought the world revolved around you though you were so insignificant. You could walk through the past lanes again and again. 'Wow how embarrassing was I?' 'Did I really say/do that?' 'oh! I was adorable.' you would keep commenting about every message, every activity, every action, then you would start feeling lost again. You would start questioning again. 'What really happened?' 'How did we end up like this?' After a while you would be tired again. You would see how pointless it was. 'Was it all necessary?' you would ask yourself. For some unknown reason you would want to go back there or keep going from where you left of. But your rational mind would kick in and show you how meaningless it would be. What ever you do, you know nothing would be good enough anymore. You could never unlearn the bitter truth you learned during the walk. The heart might forget and forgive but the mind will be there to remind you every taste of that drink. You just know it was time to keep going forward. Still you couldn't deny how confusing, painful and somehow unexpectedly beautiful it all was. You would wonder how things could have been different if you did this and that. You would be scared of throwing out all those memories. The void in your heart would start shouting when ever the winds pass by. But you know those empty places are getting prepared to be filled with something new. It felt wrong, it felt too much of a work to let it go, yet it wasn't bearable anymore. You wanted to fly away, you know your wings heal in the sky, crawling became boring. So you would choose. The closing line was always the same. It had to end, all you had to do was stop knocking and leave quietly. Just disappear.

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