With my pillow sword
"you're your own museum"
When your brain is faster than your body, words fail you and you freeze with your hands sprawled across your keyboard staring at nothing in particular.
When really bad and really good things happen in a span of 24 hours, do you say your day was great or horrible? Spark chases away darkness but void swallows light. I don't know where I am.
How do you explain your thoughts when your don't know where your tears originate? Nothing is wrong but something is not right. Words fail.
I am so tired of fighting without knowing my opponent. Lewis Carroll didn't know what he was talking about when he said
"When you don't know where you're going, all roads will get you there"
If you don't know where you're going then you're lost no matter where you are.
We are not the kind of generation that gets drafted into war with an AK in hand. There is bloodshed all around us and yet, we go to school and get back home as if the world is still the same. In our hearts, we all know things are crumbling. Stability. Everyone pays a price for the life they have. Ours is stability.
We have some shade of peace. We go out to learn and get back home in peace. There's food on our table. Then we go to our rooms. We have seen too many things crumble to dream any further than tomorrow. We have seen enough things going down to know that our life could be flipped over it's head with a single decision and it doesn't even have to be ours.
This is not a demon we can slay with a sword. It's not a battle we can fight with hands. There's no blood to be drawn. But we still fight. Words fail. But we still find ways to speak to each other.
Whenever something is wrong, I just want to go home and by home I mean in my bed. It's the part of home that feels the most home-y. Life is not easy. But it's definitely nowhere near as bad as it could be. Who am I to complain? I am just someone stuck in mud when there's ones who lost a foot.
I am stuck. I feel stuck under a fragile structure that could crumble all over me with one wrong move. Frozen. On those days, words fail. So I sit in silence in my bed drowning my thoughts with a good song surfing over the waves of life. We might not be able to answer questions about a time 5 years from now. but we have tomorrow. All we have is today, all we can fight for is tomorrow. So i fight with my pillow sword while sharpening my axe, just in case.