A soul that desires to vanish

 " You know what? I don't want to do this anymore. I am very tired of it, I don't think I am made for this constant misery, and endless stress. You know I feel stuck, I am not able to do anything meaningful than surviving . I am not going back but I am not moving forward too. Can you relate to this or Is it too vague?"

" I get you honey, I understand." How could I not relate to this daily feeling of mine? I do, I get it.

" I want to quit my job and  do something easy, something simple you know something like being a waitress. yes, I want to be a waitress. All I have to worry about is how dark the coffee should get. 'Hello what can I get you?........yes we have a delicious English cake and of course our popular espresso......... table 8 needs a scrambled egg and an orange juice......' see easy pizzy. I need that for the next six months. I need to breath for crying out loud."

" You make me laugh what is with all this coffee and egg talk? Don't worry you will be okay. Just take a few days break. It will all pass just like the old days." Such a garbage thing to say still that was the best answer  I could think of. But what about me? What do I wanna be?

I want to be the black mannequin. The one that is used rarely. I want to stand still and just exist, I would wear what ever the owner puts on me. Customers would come in and say what ever they wish but I am just a mannequin I don't have to reply. ' The dress looks nice take and try it , you have brighter complex than this hideous mannequin trust me try it........' The ladies would boost their confidence by comparing themselves with the dark skin of the plastic, fine by me as long as I am standing still and quite.

I want to be a bird, a bird that flies up high. I want to be unreachable and untouchable yet land any time I want. I wish to feel the air with my wings. I wish to taste the freedom of life . I want to stay beneath the sky, above the land in the space where no one dares to come.

I want to be a huge tree, the one that doesn't need attention any more. My roots would be deep enough to take any water and mineral, my stem would be strong enough to resist the wind and of course any man leaning on it. I want to move with the air slowly and gracefully.

I want to be the morning sun, smooth and bright. I would kiss any one I want with tenderness and make their skin shine with beautiful shades of rays. I want to be the cloud too. I would give that calm and peaceful air to every one down the earth. I would cover the after noon sun, and if possible I would be the rain too. when it gets colder, I would shower the earth with my tiny water droplets and someone in the world would feel that I, being the rain, is actually crying for his heavy heart. 

I wish to be the air if possible the wind. I want to blow here and there , no one deciding my destination. I wish to move while no one is predicting my path. I want to be that air where everyone feels my existence but never get the chance to see or touch me. I wish to be invisible.

This is my type of break from this life, be anything in the world just not a human being.