Why does my wound itch?



Being a woman I am no stranger to pain. It's just not being a woman but as humans all of us know what it's like to be in pain. But women are made of pain. Our bodies are programmed for that and it's not surprising. There was a guy that used to say "Being a woman is a risk factor." It's nature and nature is not kind. But I wonder if there is a remedy for this innate pain that is gifted to us in our making.

For instance dysmenorrhea(fancy medical word for painful period cramps) a woman gets less heavy period cramps once she gives birth because child birth destroys the nerves around the cervix that is sensitive to contractions which are caused by excessive prostaglandins and after labor it won't be as sensitive to pain as it was before. Maybe that's it; the remedy to pain is another pain. But then again if that was the case, me piercing my ears 13 times would have cured me. Me sending that last shot of tequila down my throat as it burns it's way down and I find myself blacking out didn't help my case either. I knew I had too much. I knew "only one drink" is never just one. Me smoking until my voice gets so hoarse it starts to sound demonic would have saved me by now. But I keep doing it anyways, for the fuck of it. It's like a compulsion.

There are those who find pleasure in the pain too. Nothing screams daddy issues like that but okay what ever works for you(Sue me I am a hypocrite). There is a fine line between pain and pleasure. Be it losing your virginity there is pain in that the pleasure comes after wards(for the lucky ones hehe). Some get rid of their pain inflicting pain and others get off from receiving it. Life has been a sadist fuck towards me and I, it's humble masochist who just can't get enough.

I have inherited an unspoken resentment and a generational hatred for life that comes with a wounded soul. It's a whole package deal with my genetic predisposition. I keep flattering myself. And self destruction has never sufficed to cure a wound that has metastisized. It has started to rot. It has necrotized.

Through life we get used to things. Both good and bad. There isn't a wound that time can't heal. So they say, I read some where that the key to survival is acceptance. So we accept and move on as any strong person would.

I want to scratch this invisible wound of mine. Is it in my heart or under neath my skin? Why does it itch? Does it need detriment or antibiotics? It bleeds every time I notice the present or get stuck in the past. It widens it's area every time I spend a little too much time in my mind. Believe me  I am not romanticizing it. I am just curious about the why. Why does it demand I poke it or scratch it? Because it is healing and I have had enough time? I am skeptical.

Med school has taught me a wound itches when it heals. For a wound to heal it needs proper care and time. When a wound heals it gets itchy due to blood cells being sent to repair the damage with it comes the histamines that cause irritation hence the itch. It's all part of the process so resist the temptation to scratch and trust the process. So maybe that's it. All I need is time to get over it. I will try being a believer for a change and I will have a blind faith to trust in the power of time. 

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