How to lose your mind and find it again

I’m the epitome of calm and collected, except when I’m not. I rarely get offended or angry. Seriously, it takes a monumental feat to get under my skin. Yet, when I do get riled up, it’s not just a little annoyance; I go full “meltdown mode.” You know, the kind where you turn red, feel like you're on fire, and shake like a leaf? Yep, that's me. I bottle it all up until my anger erupts in a glorious explosion of chaos. And let me tell you, looking back at those moments, I can’t help but think I’d rather "crawl up something's ass and rot" That's how my friend describes it when something horrendous happens to her. I guess that’s just the charming side of me.

Anger is that raw, unfiltered emotion that’s impossible to fake. It needs an outlet, or it will consume you faster than you can say “rage blackout.” I used to think that pretending not to feel anything was a mark of strength. Like, showing emotions is for the weak, right? As if being a human is some kind of sin. My anger turns me into a raging beast, a destructive force of nature. Talking about it with friends? Oh no, that’s a one-way ticket to being judged. Heaven forbid I let someone see my human side!

So there I was, having a full-blown meltdown over losing a charger cable. I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t a big deal.

Denial: 1, Reality: 0.

The real problem is that I thought hiding my feelings was somehow noble. It’s like I’m supposed to be a robot with no emotions. But, surprise surprise, when I finally lost it over a trivial inconvenience, I had a “come-to-Jesus” moment. Apparently, being a stone-cold automaton doesn’t really work out that well.

Fast forward to the night I lost my phone, snatched right out of my hand by some charming biker thieves while I was on the line with my mother. Nothing like a good dose of terror to really shake up your world. And as if that wasn’t enough, my anger ramped up to “world-ending” levels. I was a ticking time bomb. But then, in a moment of clarity, I remembered where to go when life gets unbearable. I stormed into church, furious and ready to give God a piece of my mind.

I raged, cussed, and threw a divine tantrum. But after a bit of prayer, I could finally breathe. It was like magic. God must have had a laugh at my expense, but hey, it worked. I found that pouring my anger into prayers was actually therapeutic. Who knew?

So here’s the takeaway: Life’s a cruel joke, and the only way to get through it is by keeping your relationship with God intact. Even if you’re a sinner and feel like the worst person in the world, don’t run away. Run toward Him. I often forget that God’s my Father and I’m His kid. Where else would I go? So, dear reader, take my advice: make God your go-to therapist and don’t push Him away. After all, it’s the best way to find peace without having to crawl into a hole and vanish.