Turning your pain into a purpose and your mess into a message
Everyone at some point have lost someone and in the process of mourning we lose our selves too am no one to tell you how to grieve ,I just have some theories that helped me heal and wanted to share.
There are five stages to mourn, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance and I would like to add one more which is GUILT.
when a very dear person to you dies, in the meantime there will be things you will regret and feel guilty about, the times you missed out spending together, the moments you never put attention to, the minutes you take them for granted, the seconds you forgot about them and the very moment that you didn’t realize they were dying. Those are the memories you will have after they’re gone shading the good souvenirs in the back of your mind and reminding you every time that you could have done better, you could have been there and maybe, just maybe prevent this from happening
can one take Pleasure in loss without losing oneself entirely? When can we say the name of the dead and have it mean only their name and not what they left behind? Guilt is a very hard feeling, it’s a shadow that hunts your every memory , you can never escape it but make peace with it. You could accept the fact that they’re gone but still blame your self. When their name is mentioned “if only” thoughts creeps in to your mind and it’s unbearable.
but what if you turn your pain in to a purpose, ask yourself, would they be happy now that you’re punishing yourself for their death? What if you do better next time, tell them you love them and be there for your friends, family before they’re gone, what if you carry on their names and dreams, what if you change your mess into a message for other people to learn from you , will that be hard?
grief is a faster teacher than joy. There are just too many things we have to think about every day, too many new things we have to learn. New styles, new information, new technology, new terminology... But still, no matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away. They remain with us forever, like a touchstone and in this lifetime grief can teach us a lot than joy and tears can make us feel intense than laugh.
it’s not easy to forget , it’s impossible, and you will never feel the same as you were before them but forgive yourself and remember them as they were before the guilt cast a shadow over the good memories . You are the person that can hold their name and memories about them in the future. YOU ARE THE REMINDER OF THEIR STORY.
so try to change your pain in to a purpose and your mess into a message
am a reminder of biruk story