Beautifully, Simply wrong

5 min read

It wasn't enough for him. It was too good for her.

He thought............

" I love her. I love her in a way words couldn't even express the depth of it. Sometimes I wonder how I have fallen this deep with out my acknowledgement. It is hard to admit my unconditional affection. I don't want to say it out loud. My love couldn't be bounded by simple words and passing moments. I don't want her to take my feelings as something that exists out there. Cause I know it doesn't. It is something that exists once in so many years for someone like me. How do I tell her that what I feel isn't something cheap that could be replaced in any random morning? Words are bad. They carry a ridiculing laugh on true feelings. A few things mustn't be said out loud so as to keep their value. And I prefer to keep it in my invisible room of my soul.

Why do I love her this much? It was never about her looks. Her name has an alluring effect than her face. It was never about how big her eyes were. I loved the way she looked at me with some unexpressed emotions when ever I corner her with unstoppable questions. I never cared about how spacious her heart was. For me it was always a huge mansion full of beautiful roses. I asked so many times to replace the roses with beautiful daisies. But she never said yes. I lived with her dealing with the painful thorns of her rose. It wasn't an endurable pain. But it was better than the idea of losing her. I complained about how dark her soul was. Yet I liked holding a candle for someone who was ready to visit her. Though she didn't give me the right to be her gate keeper, I took that position with an honor. I didn't want her to settle for anything less. She is my dark queen after all.

How do I tell her I love her to the point where I believe I am not good enough for her? Would she accept the fact that a man loving a woman isn't comparable to the way I love her? Can she understand how my pure love lead me not to have her only to myself? Would she even get the tiniest image about how I feel? No, I don't think so. Words are handicapped to show all these. Words aren't enough."

She said.............

" I like him. He is better than other guys in my life. I saw so many and most weren't as good as him. I don't know what the future holds still I would like to give it a try, I mean if he wants. But, by the looks of it I don't think he is ready to accept that he likes me too. And that is the problem. I don't want to keep him around without defining what we are. He was never honest with me. I tried to push him to the edge. I asked so many times if he likes me or not. I offered to go out on a date but he said he didn't want too. He hates the truth. I know I don't deserve to be loved or be with someone like him but I tried to build this relationship from scratch. I invested so much into it. Yet what do I get in return? He nags me day and night to be around him but not so close. He wants to know about the color of my socks but he doesn't even want tell me about his challenging life. He is comfortable enough to cry in front of me, but he doesn't want to tell me why. I tried to be with other people and when I tell him he always said they weren't good enough. I don't understand what he wants from me.

He liked this girl, he used to talk so highly of her. In the beginning I didn't believe him. I thought it was another way to escape from admitting that he liked me. But I got tired of convincing him that I ,too, deserve a chance. So I kept my distance, lived my life in the way I wanted. Through all these denials and lies, I preferred to stay around. But he always complained about how painful it is to be around me. I asked people to tell me what I did wrong. And everyone told me what I always thought. He likes me. What can I do more than these? Why does he keep confusing me? I am tired. I don't think I have any more energy to keep him around. It is his choice to stay or leave. If he thinks that it is fair to ruin what we have built so far, I can't hold him anymore. Enough is enough."

He heard her. He tried to say what he thought. But as he expected it, words failed to show what he actually feels. He knew it was too good to be said out loud. Still he gave it a try. She couldn't understand that he loved her more than the love she thinks is perfect. He couldn't show her. So he closed the door. With out even saying a proper good bye, he left. With out even looking back, he left.

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