Where is my heartbreak?

3 min read

Trying to manifest a love by wishing for a heartbreak.

Have you had your heart broken before? I'm not talking about the mundane heartbreaks, you know the kind where i was in love, we broke up, and my heart was destroyed, nope, not that kind. I'm talking about the sort of heartbreak that you have a scarred heart to prove it, the kind of heartache that you wear on your sleeves to show the world that you have a great story to tell behind it.

There are many different types of heartaches, but what I'm referring to is the heartache that comes from the relationship form of love, the kind of love that you see in movies, read in books, and hear in poems. The kind of love that made you feel whole, the kind of love that you couldn't live without, the kind of love that made you feel like they were your foundation that helped you stand, the kind of love you hear about in country songs, the kind of love that made you fall so hard you never hit the ground, the kind of love that made it difficult to breathe when it ended because it felt like they took everything with them and it shattered you not only emotionally but physically too. I want that kind of heartbreak. You could be thinking

What is wrong with you?, Are you insane?

Well, no, but didn't someone say that to have a strong heart it has to break?. I realize that by hoping for my heartache, i'm also wishing for my love to experience the same pain, but i'm selfish like that. I'm not hoping for that agony just because i want a heartbreak, no way, no, but maybe just maybe if i wished for it, I'd get that tremendous love as well. Some claim that all great love stories end in tragedy. Right?

I'm envious of those who have or have had that kind of love. It makes me wonder where my own is. I want the person who i can say is my walls and roof, my home; the person for whom i would murder and who would kill for me; the person for whom nothing else matters when i gaze at them; the person i would love more than anything else, my person. I want the sort of love that people will hope for in the stars, that when they see us, all they will think is 

ሲሄዱም አንድ ላይ ሲመጡም አንድ ላይ አንዱን ብቻ እንዳላይ ሲተኙም አንድ ላይ ሲነሱም አንድ ላይ ሲለያዩ እንዳላይ ሲበሉም አንድ ላይ ሲጠጡም አንድ ላይ አንዱን ብቻ እንዳላይ

The kind of love that is so rare and if it ends so be it.

Sometimes the heartbreak that comes with loving someone is worth it, even if loving that person means eventually saying goodbye to them.

And i'll cling to that love and loss until it longer hurts, until i feel i had to lose to get a win. But isn't bravery a fickle creature? So, if i ever find that love, perhaps this yearning will vanish and i will dread this same heartbreak, but until then, i'll keep on wishing.

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